I’ve been dating a fair bit recently. It’s been interesting to say the least. I’ll tell you how so, of course.

October was a busy month for me, new house, job and date. All three are still with me. My job, I put a load of pressure on myself, so much so that November to january was a constant migraine, jan and feb I got medication and instead of constant pain I had weekly migraine attacks so bad I actually wanted to die at some points. February/ march I joined a gym and ive not had much bother with headaches at all… I guess I sweat all my stress out.

I’m still seeing oli; The guy who came at the same time as the job and house, after several falling outs and tantrums on my part. He is really a very nice man. So the other dates have stopped, he even rescued me from one car crash of a date.

Soo… date dirt…

I think the first date after meeting oli, I shall call… fitwood.

Fitwood and I messaged a few times, I got a really nice vibe from him, we arranged tomeet in the park to have lunch, I cancelled but apparently had a wrong number and ended up technically standing him up. Anyway, we met the week after. Nothing wrong with him but… and if you are a decent male you will roll your eyes, he was almost too sweet..

Another nice guy was messaging me at the time, he didn’t like that I live with three guys. I didn’t like that.

March was quiet, but I got absolutely spoilt on my birthday.

Then april….

We shall call him wildthing. He wasn’t particularly wild, our first date went good, we were like old friends and just spoke for hours. So we had a second date, apparently dae number two is where no matter how much they love you being independent and cheeky on the first date, you are considered fragile and in need of completion. After telling me my shoes were ’ a bit mel b’ and, after seeing my return train ticket, that he was expecting me to stay (in his dads house might I add) we hunted down a restaurant that wasn’t fully booked (bad drills!) And he proceeded to tell me that he could read body language. My body was actually screaming ‘get me out of here’ which he translated as flirting. The young romantic took my hand in his and told me that I was a little girl who needs ‘looking after’. He didnt object to me splitting the bill though and the only ‘looking after’ he did was sticking his hand in my glass to fish out the strawberries.

I’m not gonna lie. I should have just told him I wasn’t interested. I didn’t, I pussied out and text my phonebook begging to be rescued. I pretended the phonecall was my mum, even though I think he saw the name flash up, and oli rescued me, my knight in shining bmw. I didn’t receive any more invites off the wildthing. Thank god.

So the latest in my diary was meeting an attractive man a little older. Thats a bit of a mystery.

I may not be a girlfriend, or known about by his family or friends…. but we’re not sleeping with or dating other people and more importantly, I’m happy how things are.

Lessons learnt… the less you stress about wanting what you don’t have, the more you realise it’s what you do have that makes you happy

Pbwy x

Missing In Action 

Missing out! 

But I know and love that my Blog is here waiting for me, if you read it or not, as is paper and a pen, 

or one of many notebooks..

While I’ve been gone, life has been and still has been, as turbulent and indecisive as both Sea, weather and Myself. 

Yet again I’m sat with application forms needing completion, deciding if the time is right to do Uni this September; still single, still beating myself up.

Some things never change! 

bessblog:

chriskuffner:

eauxyl:

art

solid

love this.

Stories

When the butterflies in ur stomach do loop-de-loops n all sorts of crazy shit

When ur little hearts pumping ten to the dozen screaming ‘love meeeee, love meee LOVE MEEEE GODDAMN’

And you want someone to see into your patheticly swollen blood pumping machine and feel the surging need to send them links to youtube videos proclaiming just how much of a ‘troublemaker’ they are.

When you realise you’re writing a blog post about it, for no reason. It’s not gonna solve this! It’ll add to that big sinking feeling you have right now (just confirm, stomach is sunk and I feel like an emo pre teen confessing their love for justin beaver-chops)

But all the time YOU KNOW. You know that you sound obsessed and having to physically stop yourself saying words is too-chuffing-much.

FUCKING ARGH.

(I hope you can see my urgence to write this and that my turmoil excuses sloppy grammar, spelling, inappropriate capitalisation and indeed swearing)

It’s over. Christmas that is.

Yes I love the traditions, festivities, the teeny jokes you get in your crackers. However, each year, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, the day-after-boxing day comes and I breathe a huge sigh of relief, for a few days at least.

Weeks before Christmas I go through a highly confusing and exhausting (for bystanders) period of indecisiveness. A turbulent time in which I am both so excited I could wee and so fed up with the whole charade I could cry and spend a week in bed.

I did have a good day mostly, don’t get me wrong, I am soo grateful for my bestie and her family for a brilliant dinner and fun and games.

This year was the first time I’ve been alone.

Sad eh. I don’t mean single, I was last year. Waking up alone is not much of an issue for the rest of the year, on Christmas day it feels incredibly alien.

All that aside, I’m on a train. I do love writing on a train, it feels so much more pensive! And I’m almost arrived in grantham to spend some much needed time with my sister and her family.

Pbwy x

P.s. check out my latest reveiw @ www.altblackpool.com

I wonder what it feels like to be able to do that to people, just by the way you look??

I must have looked gormless, there’s no other way to describe it… the usual stupidities stayed firmly within, I didn’t fluster, stammer or burp, I don’t even think my brain told my mouth to talk.

I just forgot what I was doing. Completely.
Gorgeous man.

Pbwy x

I met this awesome young girl at work. she was just so bright and positive and just got on with everything taking it in her stride, an absolute joy. We talked about what she gets up to, she’s a skate boarder, this funny chatty little girl, who’d u expect to be one of the horsey lot… brilliant. Then, she pulled out these amazing union jack Doc Martin’s that just shouted “and what?”.

Such a cool kid.

Every so often even the most confident people need a little reminder, be who you are. It’s much more fun to defy stereotypes than have them define you.

Pbwy x

On a bus. I can smell an array of odours that together make up the smell of Blackpool. I don’t mean everywhere, if you go down to asda at the right time you can smell biscuits, and just down the road from that is a sweet factory.

But…. stale, sweated out alcohol on the skin of those whose priorities don’t include personal hygiene clashes with the Smokey hum of Fag ash Lil and her close friend pissy pants Pete. That’s when u know urine Blackpool.

I’m struggling to post at the moment, for lack of WiFi to connect my worn and travelled laptop. My last musings told you of my imminent move, the proverbial flying of the nest, in a way for the third time.

So I moved, almost two months ago and I regret having not regaled you with tales of my house; which in the next week or so will reach full capacity, 3 men, 2 dogs and me.

Sounds like something a sitcom writer could only dream of. The three men, are wonderful and include a hairdresser come florist come seamstress, an all singing all dancing performer and his boyfriend (whom I’ve met once) who’s something to do with stage technical stuff. Two out of three can wear a dress and heel better than I. Which leaves quiet, respectable little me ;-)

I’m still working, still writing and the man hunt’s on the back burner now, we shall say I’m occupied (and that’s all I need)

Drama on the work front though, once again budgets are hitting youth work hard. I shant go into it but it’s pretty heartbreaking.

Hopefully the internet will be set up to soon and I can write more.

PBWY X

So far this week

I haven’t cried, I thought I would. there’s still time. 

I love my new job.

I have packed 2 boxes in preparation for my move on Friday.

I haven’t bitten my nails (well, it’s been 2 weeks actually) 

I’ve been stressed. I’m happy.

It hasn’t stopped raining much. 

I walked through the park to work, and got muddy ankles. 

I need new wellies.